bonemaster got any more poems? [Archive]

kittee

10-15-2003, 06:15 PM

okay i thought id share another favourite poems of mine.

A certain cast to their features marked
the English going into battle,&then, that

glint in the frenchman's eye meant 'folks
clear the room!' the Turks knew death

would take them to a paradise of sex
Islam reserves for its warrior dead

&the Scots had their music. The Germans
worshipped the State & Death, so for them

the Maximschlacht was almost a sacrament.
Recruiting posters made the Irish solider

look like a sainton a holy card, soppy&pious,
the way the Yanks go on about their dead.

Not so the Australians, unamused, unimpressed
they went over the top like men clocking on,

in this first full scale industrial war.
Which is why Anzac Day continues to move us,

&grow, despite attempts to make it
a media event (left to them we'd attend

'The foxtel Dawn Service'). But the march is
proof we got atleast one thng right, informal

straggling &more cheerful than not, its
like a huge work or 8 hour day pinic-

if we still had works or unions, that is

Anyone else like this one???

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 06:28 PM

It's all right, but it looks more like prose than poetry--like the sentences would be better were they not broken into verse, or like they are broken into verses arbitrarily.

kittee

10-15-2003, 06:35 PM

well i am just writing them, like this deliberatly...well them how about this one...

an arrogant face
leans towards you
& you blow him away
&your mate takes out his partner
who'll never blink faster
than he did that day-
a victory of sorts
&just vicious
as you drive away
leaving two kack less
sprawled like a tableau,
pools of blood around them
& the squawking, useless radio.

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 06:50 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
well i am just writing them, like this deliberatly...well them how about this one...

an arrogant face
leans towards you
& you blow him away
&your mate takes out his partner
who'll never blink faster
than he did that day-
a victory of sorts
&just vicious
as you drive away
leaving two kack less
sprawled like a tableau,
pools of blood around them
& the squawking, useless radio.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"who'll never blink faster
than he did that day-"

I'm not sure what this means. What does "blinking faster" signify? That he is confused? This seems a little odd or messy.

"sprawled like a tableau,
pools of blood around them"

"Sprawled like a tableau" is not a tableau. You might as well say, "Sprawled like a striking description".

The poem ends well, and leaves us more uncertain than in the very straightforward first one; but altogether the first one seems, in terms of technique and thought and care, of a better quality to me.

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 06:54 PM

I see--blinking faster because he's being murdered. But do we really associate blinking quickly with fear? I would think of things more like trembling or eyes going wide than blinking quickly.

kittee

10-15-2003, 07:03 PM

hey i will say this once again, i cannot take credit for these poems, i just re-write them down. They are by a poet named John Forbes...
i think this poem and the first one, are great and the way the first one is written in couplets makes it work and the last line on its own is more effective!
The second piece was great, i mean some people did have trouble distinugishing who was who (ie police and others) but the way in which he says things, makes it seem more dramatic, but it relates actually to a crime that happened in victoria. Police were shit down and left to die, the poem was based on those events!

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 07:10 PM

I've never read John Forbes, and therefore can't say for sure, but so far I like sixabortednovels' stuff better. The first one you posted just seemed like quaint little thoughts on the ways different nation's armies are distinct in their characters--clever, certainly, but hardly significant or quite "poetic"; while the second one seemed like the words came more randomly and were chosen merely because they had a nice ring to their sounds--to a sloppy effect.

But I'd have to read his best stuff to really compare--I'm sure sixabortednovels puts only his best at white diaspora.

kittee

10-15-2003, 07:21 PM

I think he's poems are good, i never said i was putting in his best ones, i said i was placing in the ones that i liked! although u may not like them, i find them very effective!
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote
but hardly significant or quite "poetic"; while the second one seemed like the words came more randomly and were chosen merely because they had a nice ring to their sounds--to a sloppy effect.

John Forbes's poetry is not for everyone and as for something sloppy and hardly significant, i think you do not get it bacause you are not australian. We have commercialised everything, except for ANZAC day, he says this is one thing we have got right! You cannot even begin to imagine what it is like....It would be like me saying the Statue of Liberty has no significance,when it does to certain cultures, as ANZAC day is for us! its a time to honour those who lost their lives and those who returned!

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 07:30 PM

Maybe part of it was in fact the difference of cultures: I had no idea what Anzac day was and didn't understand that line, and as to the ways the armies fought, well, I think you would appreciate it if you actually knew or experienced these armies; but it didn't strike a chord with me because I am ignorant of such things.

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 07:35 PM

Difference of cultures also in the second.

"Mate" in America means huband, wife or lover; "partner" yes, cops have partners here but so do people (and we all know cops aren't people, hahaha) and nowhere does it say they are cops.

kittee

10-15-2003, 07:38 PM

Australian &
New
Zealand
Army
Core
And i never said you were ignorant i was just stating that you may not know things as you come from a different culture to one that i do.
I mean not many people know about the ANZAC's going into gillipoli (forgot how to spell it) and fight the turks, they landed on the wrong shore line and most died...
images/smiles/icon_sad.gif images/smiles/icon_sad.gif images/smiles/icon_sad.gif images/smiles/icon_sad.gif

kittee

10-15-2003, 08:17 PM

funny
how the eye
goes right
to the line
where we left off
reading
but the brain
can't accept
how serenely
at one
with the book
we are,
the way
hunters once knew
-just knew-
when to throw
the spear & where
exactly,
in all
the bright world,
their next meal
was coming from

fatwoul

10-15-2003, 08:27 PM

My great aunt's second husband fought with the ANZACs. Not in Gallipoli, but during the same time and in a similar theatre.

Oh, and I think you mean Australia & New Zealand Army Corps. images/smiles/icon_razz.gif

kittee

10-15-2003, 08:41 PM

well well well we meet finally mister fatwoul!!
and under less than polite circumstances!! too bad your knowledge inst as good as you thought, as it is the austrlian and new zealand army core!! thats what australians call it!!
so learn before you think you are write! because when it comes to argueing with me, YOU WILL NEVER WIN

[ October 15, 2003: Message edited by: kit ]

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 08:48 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
funny
how the eye
goes right
to the line
where we left off
reading
but the brain
can't accept
how serenely
at one
with the book
we are,
the way
hunters once knew
-just knew-
when to throw
the spear & where
exactly,
in all
the bright world,
their next meal
was coming from<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This I find brilliant--we do not think of ourselves as one with the "book" or whatever we are reading--we may be in blatant disagreement with it, in fact--and yet the act of reading shows how intimate the connection between the words and our minds. How we instinctively know where to look when we get to the end of the line--just the precise distance down that we need to glance to get to the beginning of the next. Just like hunters did not cognitively "know" the right time to throw the spere--and yet they do so, and know, and know exactly how much force to put into the throw, etc.--without the explicit details ever going through their minds.

I would say this is better than anything at white diaspora (though I've only read bits and pieces there).

I think also of the intimacy I feel when I fish, and I can feel the fish's every jerk and motion and roll with it as I reel him in--he points out that this intimacy is also present in the ideas in books--however much I may detest them at the time--using as example the fact that reading would be impossible were this intimacy absent.

Angelhaunt

10-15-2003, 08:52 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
well well well we meet finally my fatwoul!!
and under less than polite circumstances!! too bad your knowledge inst as good as you thought, as it is the austrlian and new zealand army core!! thats what australians call it!!
so learn before you think you are write! because when it comes to argueing with me, YOU WILL NEVER WIN<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

They call it "Core" here too; but it is spelled "corps". It probably should be spelled "core" as "corps" doesn't seem to make sense; but I suppose it doesn't matter.

As with the dictionary spellings, and also the army "core", they do the things that way, goshdarnit, because that's the way they're done.

Kelly J Pendergrast

10-16-2003, 02:12 AM

wow, ANZAC day, huh.

I am a New Zealander but i can't say that ANZAC day fills me with the same kind of nationalistic, heart swelling fervour as it seems to do for you, kit.

as for the glorious dawnm parade this john forbes dude that you love talks about, they aren't really any great shakes here.

you get up at 5:30 am, walk down the street feeling ultra depressed cos there are so many doddery almost dead RSA people around who look like they'll probably die any second, and cos you're awake and it's still the middle of the night. Then you stand in a park in the dark and they fire some cannons that are so loud they make everyone's car alarms go off. then some schoolkids lay some shitty wreaths, and then there's some nice brass band music.

although Laurence Binyon's ode that goes:
"at the going down of the sun and in the morning
we will remember them"
that someone always read outs still strikes something of a chord with me, despite my immense cynicism.

so,,, uh, how about the world cup then, ay?

fatwoul

10-16-2003, 06:15 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
...it is the austrlian and new zealand army core!!...
...YOU WILL NEVER WIN<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, but I already have.

Have a look here (http://www.nzhistory.net.nz/Gallery/Anzac/ANZACes.htm), and then note in the first line not only the absence of an N from the end of Australia, but also the CORRECT SPELLING OF CORPS, YOU FUCKING MORON.

<strike>Nice try, kit.</strike> Why the hell would I write that? It wasn't a nice try at all. It was pathetic. Utterly pathetic.

Will somebody PLEASE give me an opponent worth tackling?!?! images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

fatwoul

10-16-2003, 06:35 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kelly mutates:
...some schoolkids lay some shitty wreaths, and then there's some nice brass band music...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You's cold, Kelly.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kelly mutates:
...ay?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That took me back. I miss New Zealand.

Maybe I should visit you, ay? images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

kittee

10-17-2003, 11:11 PM

fatwoul, why is it, that you post on this thread just to come and abuse me?
You must feel real good picking on a 17 year old, damn thats got to be something to go home and tell your folks!
and if you wanna go on and comment about my spelling go for it, if it will make you feel better about your pathetic and meaningless life!
I would have rathered it that you waste your time on commenting on the poem placed before you but i guess what ever floats your boat!

fatwoul

10-18-2003, 01:25 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
fatwoul, why is it, that you post on this thread just to come and abuse me?...
...if you wanna go on and comment about my spelling go for it, if it will make you feel better about your pathetic and meaningless life!...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm this is confusing. I merely corrected your incorrect spelling of the word corps, and you jumped upon that as a chance to challenge me, as follows:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
well well well we meet finally mister fatwoul!!
and under less than polite circumstances!! too bad your knowledge inst as good as you thought, as it is the austrlian and new zealand army core!! thats what australians call it!!
so learn before you think you are write! because when it comes to argueing with me, YOU WILL NEVER WIN[ October 15, 2003: Message edited by: kit ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

If you are going to throw down a gauntlet, please don't cry like a baby if I pick the gauntlet up, and repeatedly slap you round the face with it.

You challenged me. I beat you down. Deal with it and move on. images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Please also note that this was yet another occasion when I talked to you several times without accusing you of being BM. images/smiles/icon_wink.gif

kittee

10-18-2003, 07:38 PM

Fatwoul i made a generalised statement about people calling me BM.
And yes i will and can have a cry! So build a bridge and get over it!
By the way, what the hell was your problem with me? I was just being a smartass and yes it did backfire on me, but it was just some fun!
And why call me a wanker? Im a nice girl images/smiles/icon_sad.gif youre just being a buttmunch images/smiles/icon_razz.gif

fatwoul

10-19-2003, 06:45 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
Fatwoul i made a generalised statement about people calling me BM...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And all I did was make a generalised comment about you being wrong. Wrong to say that all people do is accuse you of being BM, and wrong to talk to BM in the first place.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
...And yes i will and can have a cry!...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
...So build a bridge and get over it!...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I just said that. Don't copy what I say.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
...By the way, what the hell was your problem with me?...[/bq]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You talk to BM.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
[QB]...I was just being a smartass and yes it did backfire on me, but it was just some fun!...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And laughing at you was just fun too. So calm down.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
...And why call me a wanker? Im a nice girl images/smiles/icon_sad.gif ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's not what I heard from that bloke in the hawaiian shirt. images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
...youre just being a buttmunch images/smiles/icon_razz.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thats a very crappy insult. I am disappointed. images/smiles/icon_sad.gif

kittee

10-19-2003, 10:37 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote
wrong to talk to BM in the first place.

I wasnt wrong for talking to BM in the first place, BM was the only one talking to me! so if you had considered talking to me, firstly, you might not be bitching at me now!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote
That's not what I heard from that bloke in the hawaiian shirt.

You are lucky im in a good mood, or i would abuse your ass! and your just jealous because you aint getting any...

fatwoul

10-19-2003, 11:28 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by kit:
I wasnt wrong for talking to BM in the first place, BM was the only one talking to me! so if you had considered talking to me, firstly, you might not be bitching at me now!...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You really don't READ anything before you post, do you? As has already been established several times, many of us - INCLUDING ME - spoke to you upon your arrival. You CHOSE to talk to BM. No excuse. images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

kittee

10-19-2003, 11:57 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote
As has already been established several times, many of us - INCLUDING ME - spoke to you upon your arrival. You CHOSE to talk to BM. No excuse.

(Pardon my language here but it helps me get the point across)
BULLSHIT YOU TALKED TO ME, the time when you actually did say hi or welcomed me was when you said that you welcome me, i acted like a git and that i am on the dark side (well im sure that is the first time that you did talk to me) but lets just say the first time you did speak to me was not on pleasant terms!
And i have tried to calm the situation down, yet it is you who will not give up.
So what you want me to do to formally apologise? You want me to quit talking to BM??

verismo

10-20-2003, 07:05 AM

What about on your first thread, "hi"? He said "hi" to you and put a floating grin smiley.

The Disgruntled Frenchman

10-20-2003, 01:05 PM

So. Your 17, huh. Are you cute? Do you wear thongs? How 'bout puttin out on the first date? Do you have that little tattoo on the small of your back yet?

I'll bet your tounge is pierced.

kittee

10-20-2003, 08:02 PM

okat disgruntled frenchman,im not your average 17 year old slutty girl (making a generalised statement here)
I dont put out, and my choice of underwear i will keep to myself (unless you wanna peep at them images/smiles/icon_wink.gif ?)
~kittee~

fatwoul

10-21-2003, 09:21 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by The Disgruntled Frenchman:
So. Your 17, huh. Are you cute? Do you wear thongs? How 'bout puttin out on the first date? Do you have that little tattoo on the small of your back yet?

I'll bet your tounge is pierced.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Heh.

Bonemaster3000

09-15-2010, 02:23 AM

Give the girl a shot, huh?

Okay Kittee, here's a poem for you:

There once was a boy named Marshall/
Whose mother was a wicked witch/
Married a girl named Kim called himself Slim and felt he was a son of a bitch/
Bought a rhyming dictionary wrote some jokes and battle rapped his way to fame/
But if we analyse his message/
Quote unquote/
It strikes me as a little bit tame/
In 1997 killed Kim in a song and put his 2 year old baby daughter Haillie on/
Hated generic pop-culture and fags and went and dueted with Elton John/
Ooh
A little insecurities gone a long long way/
Straight into the bottom of a bottle of Vicodin and only himself to blame/
See these bullets and duck/
Ya fucking cock suck/
Take your sleeping pills and shut the fuck up/

Eminem huh? He's such a Fatwoul.

Peace.